i havnt written in these past 2 days but whatever. this weekend was reallyyy gud. on friday me and steph kinda hung out for alittle and then kristen and sean came over to make stephs gift so we can prepare for her party. everything was coming out so good. i was so excited! hehe. afterwards me and sean walked to kristens because she was having all our friends at her house. i had a good talk with someone that made me really think but im not guna tell yew about any of that, its kinda personal. the next day me and kristen finished up stephs present. it looked so cute! the album and the box. all of a suddon steph calld and said that she was on her way over and i herd her car dinging. as soon as i hung up i raced down the stairs with the gift and the supplys so she didnt see anything! i wanted this to turn out perfect. unfortunatly, no one answered their phones to know that i was on my way and there they were 3 of them missing kristen sitting there in the kitchen caught off guard. i was so upset, i wanted everything to turn out perfect but it didn't. but whatever. things never turn out perfect. besides the suprising part, the party was really fun. we all walked/rode bikes to sawmill a couple blocks down. we went on the swings and took pictures and stuff. i have to say that night was so nice, its just so hard to explain it. as we all sat ina circle playing truth or dare i laid down for a few minutes looking at the stars. it was so peaceful like nobody was even there. but then i got back up and it was my turn to do a dare. all of us had to do something sexy or preverted but funny (it was pretty histerical). we were having alota fun but then we had to go back cuz it was getting late. we were so tired. all of us just plopped on the couch lol. that night was great :). today was alright, i went to church and then my mom took me shopping for an hour. i was pretty suprised she offered, she never wants to go shopping with me. i got a new shirt, underwear and jewery. everything was on sale too! whoot! the rest of the day i had to do homework since i rly didnt have time ot do anything this weekend. luckily i have free time now, i shud be studying but ik enuf to do good. ill study alittle more when im done writing this.

well besides what ive done during this week ive been thinking. maybe he makes me upset because he was the only one i could feel ccompletely comfortable around. maybe it was because he was the only one who would go out of their way to say how pretty i was or how much i meant to them. no one else did that. no one else would hold my hand like you would. i compared every guy to you and i just want it to be the same. but ive realized that no one is ever going to be the same as you. and thats okay. im willing to deal with that. ive realized that the only reason you make me cry is because you make me feel alone. you changed so much and its the old you i miss too. maybe i cry becasue your happy nd im not. im pretty strong and im willing to give up trying. to be honest with you, i stopped trying a long time ago to get you back. its all over now, the only thing left is for me is to just b happy w/ wht i have now or whatever comes my way.