so yahhh, i feel like i havnt written in my blog in forever, i guess i havnt had the time but now i do. Theres not much to say about my day except that i went in the pool and hungout with my brother all day, then went out to dinner with my dad. not much of a day at all :/, got kinda wasted. i wish i coulda went out somewhere like to the church thing i was suposed to go to or maybe someones house to hangout with mah friends. whatever, theres plenty more days ahead. tomarrow im seeing steph and it shall be pretty funnnn. Afterwards jens comin here and sleepover. So im looking foward to this :).

Blahh. im just feeling so empty. somethings missing. i need something exciting to happen. i dont get many of those days. Im feeling a bit lonely too. seeing all these new relationships, i rly dnt know how i feel of it. depressed? no. angry? ehh. jelous? yes. I cant say im not becasue i am. people can just like someone so fast and stick with it. My feelings hit hard and then fly out the window. Thats exactly why i can't handle a boyfriend. i really want one. I want someone to call mine. but i cant do it. its literally impossible for me. and im sick and tired of it. I sometimes cry over it when no ones sees. All my older cousins are getting married. it didnt take long either. They are able to stick with one guy and like them ALL the time. I seriously don't know if i could do that. am i just not finding the right guys? i dont even know. right now, im liking this one guy on and off. Im starting to feel like im liking this guy just becasue theresno one to hold on to. Like, do i just want attention or a boyfriend? idk. wen im alone i think of hima nd i realize how great a guy he is and then other times i dont want to like him. maybe just as a friend. ug! but theres so much i like about him. im just so jumbled. im glad i said something to him otherwise hed se me as a fool. I do like him, im not lying but its not the same. I miss that neverending, stomach churning, butterfly feeling i had. i dont have that feeling with him, i can just lay back and feel...normal? idk if taht means that hes a friend? or that i can be myself around him? im not getting answers. :/

PS- 4th of july was AMAZINGG =D