so im sitting here and im suposed to do laundry but ill do the rest later and then pack. I felt like i needed to write. i had all these thoughts in my head and i needed to write them down. I really miss him like crazy and seeing pictures of me and him just made it worse. I wish things were back to what they were. When the whole old group was friends. But Ide also want to be friends with my new group. I love them too much to just leave them. Some people wouldnt agree with wishing our old friends back but who cares. I might hang out with them this week since he's probally free. Hopefully it happenes because everytime we plan it it just doesnt happen. I want to be back in his life and my old friends' life again and ide do a lot to make my wish come true. Ide be alot happier and maybe ide have a chance with him. I know none of this is going to happen because everyone has moved on besides ralph and wouldn't want to be friends again. A lot of this has to do with her. She was mean to them and they couldnt stand it. Pretty soon it was awkward to be around them and everyone was at eachothers throats. Well, friends come and go and thats the way it works. Life sucks a lot of the time. A lot of it is stress and suffering and no one can change that. I wish a lot of things but they arn't gunna come true. You arn't coming back, you have a girlfriend, you moved on. And i can't change that no matter how much i try. I rly like talking to you and im glad your tlking to me again but being together is out of the question so im just going to suck it up. Ov course ill still like you, i always will,but i realized that everyone moves on and i need to. Like someone said, "if you love someone, let it go. if it comes back to you, its your's forever. if it doesn't, the it wasn't ment to be." So im going to find myself a guy just like him who makes me feel the way he did. The guy who likes me now doesnt show it and that makes me like him less and less. My good guy friend talks to me more and gives me more "affecion" than he does. I know he's shy and he hasn't had a gf but u can atleast show it. Steph says that i need to actually go out with him or to be in a semi-relationship with him to see how he acts but ik hell treat me the same way. If not now, not ever. Idk, i feel like im friends with him and i don't get excited when i hang out with him. I don't have butterflies when im around him. I think i just loved his personality rather than HIM. The best thing for me now is to stay single and just wait paciently for that one special guy. I want to be excited when he calls. I want a guy who gives me butterflies. I want that guy who tells me i look pretty when i don't. I want a guy who will go out of his way to get me something special or talk to me. Thats what i want. Its the guy i love, the guy i used to know. I want him back. Maybe the guy wont be you but hell have the same qualities and make me feel the same way.