So much for this year being so fun. I only have friends in my lunch period and everyone else whos in my other classes i barley talk to. Well, maybe this is an opportunity to make new friends, who knows. i want to be positive about this year but it doesn't seem to be happening. kristina barley doesnt have anyone either so hopefully im able to switch into one of her classes :]. sooo yeah, im rly scared. hopefully its a good year wiff gud teachers and gud friendships. who knows, this year could be so unexpected. only future will tell. soo anyway, today was a rlyyyy gud day. i woke up and it was raining which is usually depressing but it wasn't. i have no idea why but i sat there looking out my den window...happy? i guess i was having a gud day. i walked downstairs and sat at the computer talking to old friends. Im starting to gain back my old friends and that just makes me happy as anything. even just talking to them and knowing whats new in their life is enough to make me feel better. yesterday i saw 2 old friends that i was dying to see! i ran up to the two of them and it might sound creepy but it felt so nice to hug them. I missed them so much. although they still have their issues they're getting much better. I think everyone is getting better actually. we all have our promblems im not gunna lie. Im glad things are getting back to normal. I now have new friends, old friends, and my best friends who ive been with for like ever. Who knows, maybe school will change things again. Hopefully it doesnt becasue i know that theres basicly only 1 maybe 2 weekend days that i can see friends, the other is studying. so its going to be hard to see everyone and keep in touch with all of them. but ending ina good note, ill try my best to make this the best year yet :]. oh wait! i also went to the elwood shopping center to hangout with hallie, kristen and mike. It was soo fun. unfortunatly steph couldnt go becasue it was too late and my dad had to pick us up early. we went to dunken dounuts and carvel. ov course we get stared at by creepy guys out the window. one guy had his face up against the window, the other was just looking and ov course there was one with his hand down his pants. quite....interesting. the best part was going home and laughing about funny ass videos! yah. its what we do. lmao.
......write latah. peaceeee.

Today was an average day. Slept over my cousins' house and woke up. Steph drove us all to dunken dounuts and then went to steph's batting practice. going to that made me relized how much i missed playing softball but sports nowa days are too competetive for me. I like softball for the fun of it. of course i want to win but that not why i played for those 8 years. afterwerds my aunt denise rode us to my house to swim for atlittle. too bad jen had to go to practice, she coulda stayed longer but thats alright. my mom made tacos for dinner for the whole family and i have to say they're always so amazing. even that the food was good there is always a fight at the dinenr table. Its always something i do too, or say. Whatevr it is my family yells at me about it. My dad says im a drama queen? he shud rly take a look in the mirror becasue to be honest he acts like a little girl in middle school. according to him everyone picks on him and treats him like a child which no one does. My mom just cares about him and gets worried sometimes. and the reason i get mad at him is becasue he complains about things that i do that he does too. my mom and me were laughing about how he always gets so emotional and i said he was a dramaqueen. yah. he didnt find that too amuzing..im not guna go into detail aobut this, its too stupid of a topic. during dinner the topic of school came up. & it made me think how school is approaching. ugg, im kinda scared for a couple of reasons. one is because work is going to be 10 times harder this year consittering im going threw 2 years of spanish in one year!! (ib), im taking trig and im also going to be in the hardest science there is...chemestry. Im not looking foward to this at all. 9th grade was hard enough and now i have to go threw this and knowing its more serious just tops it off. One other reason is what if no ones in my classes? i like the friends i have now and i dnt want to loose any. now theres only weekends to hangout, every other day is school. friends come and go as they say so im hoping i meet some new ones too. (: i mean, ov course im scared and so is everyone, but im also kind of excited. meeting new people, seeing old friends, actually being excited for the weekend to come. this year is going to be one interesting year, i can tell. freshman year was nothing i expected and itll probally be the same for this year.

well thats all i rly have to say so write wenever. bye.<3

today was a semi gud day so far. i slept at kristens and then went to the marriot and the sheridon hotel to look at sweet sixteen rooms. I wound up liking the sheridon much better consittering u got more fro yer money. Im so excited, you dnt even know! ahaha. Hopefully i get a good dj and my party turns out to be good. After that i went home and went on the computer fora bit. i started talking to this kid nick i met in new orleans from nebraska. he's a rly nice guy and i wish there was more guys like him down in new york :( he said he mite be able to come down to long island and come visit me for my birthday! dought its gunna happen but that would be amazing, love that kiddd. well anyways, im guna do something productice and maybe read my summer reading book. byee!

PS. i just wanted to tell you that i still am yer best friend but the truth is u havnt been one to me. ur moods are always changing. I dont even do anything rong and you give me this aditude like im shit. i got that additude from my last best friend and were no longer speaking. I feel like i cnt hangout with other people besides u. i never ever give u a hard time if you hang wiff someone besides me. u say yer done caring but u still do care, i know u like my sister, u care...alot. I dnt know how to please you. U get angry and now im trying to be nice and all i get out of that is nastyness from you. i just want you to be happy but im always doing something rong lately. Yer mean to me sometimes and the one time i freak out on you u barely even look my way anymore. I guess i lost it because all of this has been inside me, hiding from the truth. I want u to know all this so we can fix this. This is how i feel and i didnt twist it in anyway. im sorry for being a bitch but i have to stand up for myself once in a while, now its your turn.

summers flying by pretty damn fast :/ pretty soon well be getting our sceduals and calling friends about what teachers and classes we have. Oh well, every season doesnt last forever right? Im gunna try and not think about summer's end, it mite be close to over but its not finished yet. I still need to go to adventure land, and montalk and i need that one last day at the beach. This summer was almost amazing. Of course ive had a couple of bad days but so does everyone. But most of the other days ive had were simply wonderful. No day was inbetween. I have to say, summer was great but i think when school starts ill be my happiest. I was happier during school than this summer. This is the season of no stress, no worries, some drama but nothing to really worry about. School- there comes that stress but its the time where your surrounded by your friends. They're what keeps you happy and in a good mood. Although im excited for 10th grade, im also kinda scared..? your older and you have more responsabilities which a girl like me cannot handle. I will admit it, when it comes time to being organized and shit like that, i simply suck at doing it. Im the girl who comes into class looking for the homework i did last night thats due today. Maybe this year will be different, maybe, hopefully. Im wishing that the new school year will be just as great as 9th. Maybe ill find the guy i was looking for all this time :) but idk. who noez mann. Some ppl keep saying that me and my good friend shud go out but it doesnt feel right. were friends rite now and i dought anything will change. some other guy will come along eventually. well i have a free night and all there is to do is write, i mean i could play sims but i get bord of that easily, writing keeps me focused, although tonight mite be the only nite i will write, ill still have something to keep be occupied. ima go now so bai!

(8:00)i just got home yesterday night from lake george. It was a fun family vacation and it was the one time i actually had a gud time with my little cousin. Shes much older now and alot more mature. Yet i still see the 6 year old in her. Anyway, today was a great day. i hung out with kristina all day and im still. I never really hang out with her as much as some other ppl, but i have to say she is one of the bestest friends i could ever have. "or u could buy a pedafile!" "buy a pedafile what are u saying?!" lmao, i love this family. I was supossed to hang out with ppl at matts house or just hangout with steph but she oviously doesnt want to hang out with me. Yah. i know you lied because yer mom is hangingout with my mom. you coulda just said that u have someone over becasue i know that i like to hangout with differnt ppl alone. It doesnt always have to be a whole group of ppl, it could just be 2 hanging out. I dont see the big deal. U always said that ppl shud be able to hangout with only one other person and u dnt have to invite anyone else. ppl shudnt get mad right? but your mad about something that U said u shouldnt be mad over. Im not mad at u but im just annoyed. u said u wanted to see me and i said i wanted to hang but i was seeing kristina first. U decided to say u couldnt so yer loss. Whatever, i hate fighting with you. So im just gunna watch full house with kristina :D

(8:45) so for some reason i keep listening to love songs? i dont know what it is about them but they always make me so happy. Later in life when i get a boy friend that i really care asbout i want to write him a love song just for him. Im not a good singer but i like writing lyrics or poems that mean something. Listening to all these songs also reminds me of him, but not always, some of time. i dont even think of specific ppl, i think of a boy friend in general. not a stupid one just because i want a bf, someone ill care about for a rly long time. I dont wana sit around forever and not have anyone to care about. I wana some one soon. Im hurting inside still and i need that one perosn who makes me forget. Ill forget all about stupid him nd only think of them.