She's with him now, I'm with my loneliness.

ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod. wednsday is our last day untill break. 2 days!....today was a good day. i went to stephs and then the chorus concert with her and kristina. school was good. im glad we got a 2 hour delay but really? coudlnt they just close school? stupid people.

anyway...im sorry for getting so mad at you all the time. u really can be nice sometimes. thanks for everything latley.

goodnight<3.

4 things on my mind....
-i've had so much hw latley. stressful but its highschool.
-dad. you're such an idiot sometimes. listen to what i have to say before you go off screaming.
-i wish i didn't like guys who i know wouldn't like me back.
-i really do love my best friends. i should say it more often.

tell me something sweet to get me by

yesterday was really fun. i went to my aunts and slept over. me and danielle made our own eggnog which tasted like puke....after lunch i went home and helped my dad out with the tree since we werent able to do it a couple days ago. i kinda realized we didnt have that many orniments as we did last year which is pretty weird consittering we didnt get rid of any...and we bought 3 more. lol odd. after i just chilled at home and went on the compter, talked to some ppl and then took a shower. the day was pretty boring but atleast i did sumthing. besides decorating the only other intersting part of my day was talking to two ppl ive liked in the past. one you would probally already know, but the other one you wouldn't untill i told u. me and him started talking last year and i started to really like him but then things went down hill from there. i thought he liked me at first but then things started to get weird. anyway, this year is sorta different, i dont see him as much anymore and hes been acting really nice to me latley. it actually seems like weve been gud friends fora long time. my gud friend asked if he'd ever go out wiff me and he said maybe which was sorta a gud thing cuz he said it proudly? nicely? and last year i knew there wudnt be a chance that we wud go out. im not guna hold on to the kid like a did before so i dont get hurt in the end. im just glad i have a little hope this time.

Why are you so distant now?

damn i am cold. i just spent over 3 hours outside helping sell christmas trees. we didn't get much sold but it was fun. christmas is coming and im very excited, weridly. im not usualy excited until the week of christmas but i guess u can say thats a gud thing. im going to my aunts around 3 to babysit my little cousin. hes adorable:].

oh. and i just want to say that you are one huge asshole. u are so mean to everyone and u think it's fine. u say that yer not and you defend me when ppl talk about me meanwhile u dont. u can't even lie. u talk about me behind my back and when i mention something u said, its always a bullshit excuse. shit thats not even true. u say that i wa sthe one mean to you but yet the whole time u manage to be one to me. i was never mean to you expect the day we broke up becasue of the things u said to me. apparently u can't deal with me. then why go out with me if u can't. and that u don't know why u talk to me? im sorry but if u don't like talking to me then don't. talk to someone else who's personality doesn't piss u off. like mine does. so stfu. fucking liar.

"Why did I let it go to waist?"

over all today was a great day. didn't get much homework to do really nd saw a bunch of my friends. i said this year was sucky so far but to be honest it's getting better.
i can't wait to put up my christmas tree ^_^ its my third favorite thing about christmas. 1st is probally family. second presents. and third is decorating or getting ready for it. and fourth is christmas break. can't wait mann ;D.

night<3

"I don't want to be alone"

Im starting over with this whole blog thing. i can never keep writing it but latley i feel like i need to.

Today was actaully a really great day. I wasn't that tired this morning and could actually get my ass out of bed. My grades are pretty good this marking period, although i do procrastinate, everyone does it so whatver. i really love my teachers this year too but they can really piss me off for no reason. like mr. long for instance who thinks hes so funny, when he's not and doesn't help you out when you need it...

besides teachers, i really hate how things have been latley. not friends, guys. you know what sucks? no guy makes me feel important. no guy ever made me feel like i was the first person they wanted to see when then got to school. every guy i dated wasn't "the one." there was never a guy that seemed like love. only one ever did. but he's moved on, and so have i. i just miss it. i miss having a guy that i can say i love and mean it. maybe not love, but like a lot. i always wanted to talk to him. my heart raced when our eyes met. i loved hugging him and seeing his smile. he was the one who could make me laugh when i was having a crappy day. when i say these things, i'm not kidding. i want someone like that again. but the way things have been going, it doesn't seem like it'll happen. Every girl atleast once in their lifetime wants something they can't have. I wanted him but he wasn't in reach. There's someone else who i want but I know i could never have. He's out of my league, that is fact. As this year has passed, i found myself getting excited to see you. liking you? idk, a little..maybe more than i should. i don't want to becasue i know it will just hurt me in the end. so for now, i'll just deal. theres plenty of guys out there....right?