I'm foolin' myself. He'll never be mine.

a lot has happened these past couple of days and i guess u can say it can be a gud thing but it has upset me a lot too. on friday i went to my friend palomas wiff a bunch of people. i really didnt know anybody but atleast i had my 2 best friends with me. i felt really awkward there but it was her party.
saturday had to be one of the best nights ina while but one of the worst. i was so excited to see everyone there, especiall him. he made my night better by just talking to me but he didnt just talk to me. thats what hurts so much. why act like u still have feelings when u probally dont. idk what to think. do u still like me but dnt wana break up with your girlfriend? are u using me? am i just the rebound girl? or do u just like playing ppl? all these feelings are coming back again and i don't want them too. i really was done wishing for you but after that night, things changed. why cnt i just not move on normaly? no. of course i can't. if you dnt like me then why couldnt u just have acted liek a friend at the party?
but other than that i have to say....SUNDAY WAS AMAZING. i saw friday night boys..again! me and steph found so many guitar picks and stuffs. afterwards we finally had the time to meet some ppl. i have to say that was the best show so far <3

work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work
....and more....WORK. bye.
gfyewgfyerbhygewgnrtuhg

i've taken so many chances and almost everyone has failed. they say you need to take some risks to make life worth it. the thing is, another risk to take, is another heart to break. i don't know how many more i can handle. i just keep taking them...but not one has made my life better than it's been. maybe i'm just thinking wrong, and maybe these chances I'm taking arn't supossed to make you happier. in my eyes, i don't see myself being happier than i am if i try this again...but what do i know, it could all turn out for the better. maybe...the chances i take can lead me to what i've been looking for this whole time. and thats why i keep doing this. i don't know if i'm willing to take another shot at this. i'll be honest, when i said i didn't like him that one time, i lied. i was just terrified. anybody could easily say, "try it, he's a good person." and that is truth. but i didn't know what to feel when all that could of been the reason i was holding back.

Your not the guy I thought I knew.

This week went by so fast, and so does every other break weve had. going to ralphs, playing charades, taking a million pictures, counting down till the new year, being jumped on by my friends?? was probally the best times i had this past week and a half. Beginning a new year isn't really much of a big deal if you think about it. It's kinda like a birthday but alittle bit different, but i try not to see it that way. When the new year comes everyone makes new years resolutions right? well heres a couple of mine:

1.) i know i make this resolution every year but i'll try again...not procrastinating.

2.) try to be nicer to my parents.

3.) get better grades in math.

4.) paying attention to things more.

hopefully i can do these...

Anyway. I really don't want to go to school toamarrow. can't break just continue? I know it can't but i wish it could. Although ide rather be on the computer, theres really not much to write about right now....write toamarrow, bye.

She's with him now, I'm with my loneliness.

ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod. wednsday is our last day untill break. 2 days!....today was a good day. i went to stephs and then the chorus concert with her and kristina. school was good. im glad we got a 2 hour delay but really? coudlnt they just close school? stupid people.

anyway...im sorry for getting so mad at you all the time. u really can be nice sometimes. thanks for everything latley.

goodnight<3.

4 things on my mind....
-i've had so much hw latley. stressful but its highschool.
-dad. you're such an idiot sometimes. listen to what i have to say before you go off screaming.
-i wish i didn't like guys who i know wouldn't like me back.
-i really do love my best friends. i should say it more often.

tell me something sweet to get me by

yesterday was really fun. i went to my aunts and slept over. me and danielle made our own eggnog which tasted like puke....after lunch i went home and helped my dad out with the tree since we werent able to do it a couple days ago. i kinda realized we didnt have that many orniments as we did last year which is pretty weird consittering we didnt get rid of any...and we bought 3 more. lol odd. after i just chilled at home and went on the compter, talked to some ppl and then took a shower. the day was pretty boring but atleast i did sumthing. besides decorating the only other intersting part of my day was talking to two ppl ive liked in the past. one you would probally already know, but the other one you wouldn't untill i told u. me and him started talking last year and i started to really like him but then things went down hill from there. i thought he liked me at first but then things started to get weird. anyway, this year is sorta different, i dont see him as much anymore and hes been acting really nice to me latley. it actually seems like weve been gud friends fora long time. my gud friend asked if he'd ever go out wiff me and he said maybe which was sorta a gud thing cuz he said it proudly? nicely? and last year i knew there wudnt be a chance that we wud go out. im not guna hold on to the kid like a did before so i dont get hurt in the end. im just glad i have a little hope this time.